Managing People-Pleasing and Perfectionism This Holiday Season.
You want to love the holidays…but you hate the pressure and expectations it brings.
Time off work or school that doesn't really feel like rest, gift giving, and endless social get togethers can all make the holiday season stressful.
You feel like you should enjoy it but you find yourself saying “yes” to everything and wanting things to be perfect.
In this blog, we’ll explore why the holidays can amplify your people pleasing tendencies or perfectionism, how to recognize the signs, and ways to manage your mental health this season.
Why the Holidays Trigger People-Pleasing and Perfectionism.
The holidays only come once a year so of course it feels like there is so much pressure and expectation to do it all:
See your family members and friends
Give the perfect gift.
Host an elaborate holiday meal.
If you’re someone who struggles with wanting to please everyone that can be incredibly overwhelming. You may be noticing:
Unspoken societal pressures that feel intense.
Falling back into a certain role within your family of origin.
Comparing yourself to others on social media.
Signs You’re Stuck in People-Pleasing This Holiday Season.
It can be tricky to realize when you're engaging in people pleasing behaviors because it feels normal to you.
You may not even recognize that you're doing it because it feels like it's something that you're supposed to do.
Do you find yourself…
Saying “yes” to plans when you're already feeling overwhelmed.
Feeling responsible for other people's moods or expectations this season.
Guilty for trying to prioritize yourself.
The Mental Health Impact of Holiday Pressure.
When you're stuck in anxiety, people pleasing, or perfectionism you may notice that your mind feels like it's all over the place but also that your body feels tense.
Maybe you’ve felt:
Physical exhaustion
Brain fog
Feeling like you're struggling to keep up with everything
Difficulty in regulating your emotions.
Strategies to Manage People-Pleasing and Perfectionism.
Set Clear and Compassionate Boundaries.
Boundaries can be uncomfortable at first. You worry you’re being mean or inconveniencing others.
The truth is that boundaries are healthy, and allows you to have the mental space to show up more in your life.
You can set boundaries in a way that feels authentic to you, while keeping your needs in mind.
“I can make it but I’ll need to leave by 8:00 p.m.”
or
“I won't be able to make it this time but thank you for thinking of me!”
Challenge Perfectionist Thinking.
Perfectionism always keeps us in a mindset that we're not good enough.
Ask yourself:
What would good enough look like for today?
What would it look like to not fulfill that expectation?
What benefit does putting this pressure on myself do for me?
There can be so much freedom in allowing something to just be.
Prioritize Rest and Regulation.
As cliche as it sounds you really can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing yourself this season can happen in a few different ways:
Scheduling downtime throughout the day.
Quick grounding practices, even 5-10 minutes, can be helpful.
Stepping outside or away for just a few minutes
Remind yourself that you’re safe and it’s okay to relax.
Let Go of the Need to Fix Everything.
As a people pleaser and possible peacekeeper, you may feel responsible for others and their emotions.
But you're not responsible for:
managing others moods or expectations
ensuring that everything goes exactly as the planned in your head
Freeing yourself from that is a form of self-compassion.
How to Stay Connected to Yourself During Holiday Stress.
The first step in feeling grounded is building awareness into how you're feeling both physically and mentally.
Checking in with your emotions.
Knowing how you feel is important because the way you cope with anger may be different than overwhelm.
Listening to your body’s cues
A simple body scan builds awareness into what you’re needing.
Noticing when the pressure starts building
What are your triggers/early warning signs?
When It Might Be Helpful to Talk With a Therapist.
Therapy can be helpful during the holiday season especially if you're noticing:
Patterns that you’re struggling to break.
Feeling constantly overwhelmed or on edge.
Guilt around setting boundaries or saying no.
Working with a therapist can help you understand these patterns, manage people pleasing, and develop anxiety coping skills.
You Don’t Have to Be Everything for Everyone.
You deserve a holiday season where you could rest, breathe, and feel like you're actually enjoying yourself.
You're allowed to take a break, say no, and do what feels right for you.
Get started with therapy for perfectionism at Sage Mind Counseling and Wellness.
I'm here to support women in Huntersville, NC and online across NC and SC break free from perfectionism, set boundaries without guilt, and manage holiday stress.
Check out the FAQs page for questions or learn more about my approach to therapy.
Start by booking a free 15-minute consultation.
