The Pressure to Be “Perfect” in College: Why College Feels So Overwhelming
Everyone always says “college is the best four years of your life!” But when you’re under constant pressure to succeed, it’s so hard to slow down and enjoy it.
It feels like you’re always falling behind, whether it’s in school, your social life, or trying to take care of yourself.
You think, “Am I really cut out for this?”
You wonder how everyone around you seems to have it all together, and constantly compare yourself to them.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about why college feels so overwhelming, and how perfectionism is showing up.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism goes beyond wanting to “do well.” There’s often underlying beliefs that self-worth is tied to achievements, and anything less than perfect means failure.
For college students this can show up as:
Fear of making mistakes in schoolwork or extracurricular activities
Feeling like no matter what you do, it’s never enough
Believing anything less than an A is failure
You set high standards for yourself academically, socially, and physically, and when you can’t meet them, you feel anxious and overwhelmed. Imposter syndrome creeps in, telling you that you don’t belong, and further fuels your anxiety.
Relaxing feels impossible because anytime you try to, all you can think is “I should be doing more.”
You’re not overreacting. College really is a lot.
You’re living on your own or with roommates for the first time, and it’s a huge adjustment. You’re constantly having to make decisions, whether it’s what to have for dinner or what to major in, which is exhausting.
Between juggling classes, internships, jobs, a social life, and extracurricular activities, college is an overwhelming and busy time in your life.
Your schedule is packed, but you also have a hard time saying no to things, so you end up even busier than expected.
It feels like you should have everything figured out. It’s totally normal to feel this way, you’re navigating a lot on your own.
But the truth is that you actually don’t have to have everything figured out.
Anxiety and perfectionism in college students.
When you first arrive on campus, you feel excited, but also a little bit nervous. It seems like everyone has it all together and self-doubt starts to creep in.
You’re meeting new people and following them on social media, seeing a curated feed that only further fuels the idea that you’re falling behind. Everyone seems to be having so much fun, effortlessly making new friends, and excelling at everything.
You may notice you:
Stay up late to perfect assignments, even when you’re exhausted
Feel guilty for taking breaks
Push yourself to excel at school or extracurriculars
Over time, this constant pressure leaves you feeling anxious and drained, fearing nothing you do is ever enough. It can be so hard to remind yourself that what you see online isn’t often what’s really happening behind the scenes.
When perfectionism overflows into friendships.
Perfectionism isn’t only about academics. It often spills into how you show up for the people in your life.
Wanting to be the “reliable” friend can quickly lead to exhaustion. You want to be seen as dependable and responsible, so you say “yes” to everything, even when you’re stretched thin.
You don’t want to let anyone down or disappoint them, and it feels like your value to other people is what you can do for them.
You’re struggling to set boundaries and feel resentment for always saying “yes” to others.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Click here for more support on setting boundaries as a people pleaser.
How perfectionism affects body image and your relationship with food.
There’s pressure to “look a certain way” to be seen as worthy, and not fitting into that ideal body makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
You scroll through social media and see “perfect” bodies, making you question your own appearance. Anytime there’s an upcoming break, you feel pressure to exercise more, fearing the comments your family will make.
You’ve always heard the term “freshman 15” thrown around, and it’s in the back of your mind when you’re at the dining hall or gym. You think about all of the “what I eat in a day” videos on Instagram and TikTok, and compare your meals to them.
When life feels chaotic, controlling food and exercise seems like it’s one of the only things you can manage.
Do you:
Avoid eating with friends out of fear of social judgement
Feel guilty for “overeating” or eating something “unhealthy”
Compensate for late-night meals through overexercising or restriction
It’s an exhausting cycle that leaves you feeling burnt out, disconnected from yourself, and further feeds into the thought that you need to fit into the “ideal body” to be beautiful.
Letting go of perfectionism in college.
Overcoming perfectionism as a college student starts with recognizing your self-talk and being kind to yourself when you notice it. Practicing self-compassion can start to quiet the harsh inner critic saying you’re not doing enough.
Letting go of perfectionism and high expectations don’t change overnight and that’s totally okay. It takes time, patience, and understanding that you’re human and are constantly learning and growing.
Therapy for women in college at Sage Mind Counseling and Wellness.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Recognizing that you’re human and allowing yourself to make mistakes takes patience and practice.
What we will work on together in therapy for college students:
Challenge black and white thinking
Together, we’ll gently challenge the “all or nothing” thoughts, and replace them with kinder, more realistic thoughts.
Practice self-compassion
In our sessions, we’ll work to change your self-talk to be more understanding, so you can begin to treat yourself with kindness.
Reflect on your progress
We’ll check in with how much you’ve done and are currently doing, and focus on progress over perfection.
If you’re navigating anxiety, perfectionism, or body image struggles, I’m here for you. Learn more about counseling for college students.
Book your free 15-minute consultation here and let’s talk about what support can look like.
