5 Ways to Set Boundaries as a People Pleaser (Without Guilt)
Automatically saying yes to things and immediately feeling regret is super common. You barely have time for what you want to do, but have always been the “yes woman”, someone it seems like everyone relies on.
Why do I feel guilty for saying no?
You don’t want to inconvenience anyone (even though you’ve gone out of your way more times than you can count).
You want to say no but find yourself thinking things like…
“If I can’t do it, who else will?”
“I feel SO mean when I say no.”
“I don’t really have time to, but I’ll do it anyway so I don’t let them down.”
It’s normal if setting boundaries feels uncomfortable at first! It takes practice and patience but you can do it with the right skills and support.
Below are 5 ways to set boundaries as a people pleaser:
Practice self-reflection:
Ask yourself, am I saying yes to avoid letting others down or because I genuinely want to? Boundaries can be flexible, just because you’re too busy to pet sit for a friend this weekend, doesn’t mean you can’t ever say yes.
Pause before committing:
It can feel like second nature to immediately agree to something. Try to pause and take a deep breath. It’s okay to say “I’m not sure, let me check my calendar!” before agreeing to something you probably don’t have time for.
Start small:
Boundary setting is a skill, and it’s something that takes practice. Start with a low-stakes scenario, like taking some much needed alone time on a family trip.
Use gentle but firm language:
When you first start setting boundaries, it’s easy to feel like you’re being mean. Use language that aligns with you but still makes it clear that your answer is no. Keep in mind that “no” is a full sentence.
Remind yourself that boundaries are healthy:
Boundaries allow you to have time and space for yourself, which is so important to refill your cup. If you’re exhausted from always being there for everyone else, you’re not actually showing up in the way you want to.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
If even thinking about setting a boundary makes your heart race, Sage Mind Counseling and Wellness is here to support you in setting boundaries that actually stick.
I offer in-person and online therapy in NC and SC for college students and young professional women wanting to find the confidence to say no (without guilt).
Check out the anxiety therapy page or reach out here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn how therapy can help with setting boundaries as a people-pleaser.
